[The first thought that crosses his mind, as the weight of cold dread settles itself in his gut, crawling like a chill over his arms, is how badly he wishes he had simply stayed asleep.
The second he voices before he can swallow it.]
Is it me?
[He smiles, wan. He's tired; Jake is tired; it isn't worth it anymore trying to curb the impulse to keep talking. There's no longer any need to defend himself when Jake has already seen him in a memory he considers his very lowest. He leans numbly back in his seat.]
Have I been doing something wrong? I must be, if this is always happening to me.
[ Jake had several emotional contingency plans prepped. If Yujin flipped out, got angry, he'd rub the divot between his eyebrows. If he began weeping, then... Jake would rub the divot between his eyebrows. Rubbing the divot was a very effective way to soothe upset humans; Jake should know, he had a human baby brother.
But this was neither rage nor sadness. It was something wholly different, one that Jake wasn't entirely prepared for and yet immediately recognized the moment he saw it. It settled over him like a heavy blanket, weighing down his shoulders as he scoots closer. It's not a divot rub, but laying a paw over Yujin's knee is almost as good. ]
Are you serious right now, man? [ It's asked kindly, but dipped in an earnest incredulousness. ] Other than my brother, you're the best thing in this place.
[ His chin settles next to his paw, huffing out a sigh as he settles in. ]
And what the heck do you mean, always happening to you? Did Strange already pull something? 'Cuz I'll bite him, dude, don't think I won't.
[Well, Jake's done one thing right. Being so thoroughly sussed out, before he has said a SINGLE word to Jake about his little moment with Stephen, has pulled him out of the pit of his self-pitying sulk.
Don't get him wrong: he's still there. But he's not at the bottom anymore!]
[But that's a problem for later. Jake's asked him a question: one with a decade and change's worth of painful baggage tacked onto it, unbeknownst to his friend and his honest concern. Yujin shakes his head, as if to clear the thought from his mind.]
Thank you. [He reaches out a hand to pet Jake's head.] But that isn't it at all.
It's just-- I'm beginning to think I'm a poor judge of character.
[A thoughtful pause. Yujin frowns, scratching behind Jake's ear, and continues as matter-of-factly as if he's stating the day's weather.]
This is not the first time I've trusted the wrong man.
Edited (shuffling around wording) 2023-07-15 02:53 (UTC)
[ If it were another conversation and Yujin were anyone else, Jake would've leapt on the opportunity to change the subject faster than anything. A perfect segue away from those sour memories and into the sweet temporary relief of distraction. Sure, the dark thoughts would return in the night when he was alone, but by then it wouldn't be Jake's problem anymore, would it?
The realization isn't exactly a relief to the dog, feeling a little too self aware in that moment than he liked. And it certainly sucked any self-satisfaction out of ignoring the impulse, peering stubbornly up at Yujin from where he rested heavily against his leg. ]
[Yujin meets Jake's eyes in that glance. For a moment, he looks hesitant, as if he'll shrink away, lock these ugly pieces of himself out of reach like he did only a few months before.
If it were another conversation. If Jake were someone else. The moment of self-awareness, it seems, has come for them both.
Instead, Yujin relents.] In all this time, I've never once told anyone why I'm here.
...You mustn't tell anyone of this, Jake. Especially not Asogi-kun. Do you swear?
[The oath is the one he needed to hear: it's one he believes in, immediately.]
I-- I'm afraid I can't tell you the whole story. Not yet. [Much as Yujin trusts the promise, and in Jake's friendship, he simply isn't ready. And outside of the courtroom, this is Kazuma's story to tell, not his.] But it's to do with the death of his father, ten years ago.
[He lets the weight of that statement hang for a moment. Now more than ever, with so many memories fresh in his mind all over again, Genshin's fate rests heavily on his heart.]
The circumstances of Genshin Asogi's death were... orchestrated. Widely so. Colleagues I respected and trusted, even those I considered friends-- so many were complicit, if not outright responsible. It wasn't until just before I arrived on the Ximilia that the truth of how he was wronged came fully to light.
[The hand on Jake's head has stilled. There's a distant look in his eyes as he stares straight ahead, lost in those bitter memories all over again.]
If, before he was killed... I had only trusted my own judgment, instead of those false "friends"...
[ It's the kind of story you don't interrupt, lest you stop it in its tracks. Jake leans into the scritches instinctively, other ear pricked and listening closely. Focus was never a strong suit of his, but there were exceptions when it came to moments like these.
If it weren't for the fact that his dear friend was at the center of the entire thing, recounting each detail with obvious pain stretched across his face, the story might've even been riveting. The kind of story that belonged splashed across the pages of a pulpy mystery novel.
Jake closes his eyes, letting out a deep sigh as he settles heavily against Yujin's leg. ]
When you've got as big a heart as you've got, Yujin... it's easy to forget that not everybody does. [ Hollow comfort, maybe, but the truth. Sometimes that was all one could offer in the face of something so objectively horrible. ] But, believe it or not, it's one of the things I like best about ya.
[Sometimes he wonders about that, but he's got the good sense not to voice it aloud. Yujin could never shut his heart away, anyway: it's all too instinctive to him, too fundamental to how he operates. He wouldn't be himself without permitting himself to feel.
That dark thought's silenced quickly enough. There's some deep and very human part of his brain that's soothed by the sound of a dog's small huff of breath at his side. He glances down to his friend on his knee, and replies with a hesitant smile:]
I'd believe that.
[But, onto the more pressing concern:]
But... what about Emerton? He knows th--
[Wait. He hasn't told Jake about his letter yet. Yujin tenses, suddenly, and he breaths out a swear under his breath.] Damn. Jake-- I told him. W-well, I insinuated to him, really, but...
[ If the sound of a little doggy breath is enough to activate some deep held instinct, how do the piercing gaze of two skeptical doggy eyes strike you? ]
I wrote him a letter to say goodbye. Innocuous enough, but I also gave him the means to find a message hidden within. Nothing but the word 'Ximilia'.
I believed he had the right to the truth. There was no way he could decode it until after we'd gone, yet... now, telling me what you knew... I'm not even sure I was right to do that.
[ There's a long moment that Jake looks at him before heaving a little sigh, sitting down beside Yujin with a surprisingly unreadable expression on his usually elastic face. ]
Okay, yeah, well, okay. [ He finally heaves out on the back end of a breath, rubbing the side of his face with a pause. The very real possibility that they were all here now because of Yujin's slip... well, it didn't not cross Jake's mind. Of course, whether Yujin realizes it or not, Jake's grimace has far more to do with concern for Yujin than concern for the rest of the crew. ] Look, buddy... Nobody needs to know about that. I'm serious. We're allowed to have a few secrets on this tub.
[ And because Jake wasn't sure what he'd do if the crew turned against his friend. Well, aside from the fact that it wouldn't be pretty. ]
[When he'd told Ryunosuke about this... well, he'll call this a lapse of judgment-- the younger man had passed it all off as a long shot. About as likely, if not less, as any other form of mischief caused by the orbs. But that was before what he and Jake had seen. Before what they now know about Emerton Haughtford had even been within the realm of possibility.
Yujin turns to his friend, searching Jake's expression for he knows not what. Reassurance, condemnation, anything. Nothing is there, but what he does get are those words of reassurance.]
I... think you may be right. [he answers, hesitant. It doesn't feel good, going back to keeping secrets. It is, however, better to hold the truth of what had happened with somebody else.] It was always meant to be a secret, anyhow. [Maybe more romantic than potentially damning, but still a secret.]
Thank you for telling me. And for listening to me, too.
[ He makes a little doggy fist, bumping it against Yujin's fingers, for all the other man's were clenched merely from stress and lingering tension. It would have to do. It was on Jake for making friends with a dude from ancient times, after all. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The second he voices before he can swallow it.]
Is it me?
[He smiles, wan. He's tired; Jake is tired; it isn't worth it anymore trying to curb the impulse to keep talking. There's no longer any need to defend himself when Jake has already seen him in a memory he considers his very lowest. He leans numbly back in his seat.]
Have I been doing something wrong? I must be, if this is always happening to me.
no subject
But this was neither rage nor sadness. It was something wholly different, one that Jake wasn't entirely prepared for and yet immediately recognized the moment he saw it. It settled over him like a heavy blanket, weighing down his shoulders as he scoots closer. It's not a divot rub, but laying a paw over Yujin's knee is almost as good. ]
Are you serious right now, man? [ It's asked kindly, but dipped in an earnest incredulousness. ] Other than my brother, you're the best thing in this place.
[ His chin settles next to his paw, huffing out a sigh as he settles in. ]
And what the heck do you mean, always happening to you? Did Strange already pull something? 'Cuz I'll bite him, dude, don't think I won't.
1/2
[Well, Jake's done one thing right. Being so thoroughly sussed out, before he has said a SINGLE word to Jake about his little moment with Stephen, has pulled him out of the pit of his self-pitying sulk.
Don't get him wrong: he's still there. But he's not at the bottom anymore!]
Never mind that!
no subject
Thank you. [He reaches out a hand to pet Jake's head.] But that isn't it at all.
It's just-- I'm beginning to think I'm a poor judge of character.
[A thoughtful pause. Yujin frowns, scratching behind Jake's ear, and continues as matter-of-factly as if he's stating the day's weather.]
This is not the first time I've trusted the wrong man.
no subject
The realization isn't exactly a relief to the dog, feeling a little too self aware in that moment than he liked. And it certainly sucked any self-satisfaction out of ignoring the impulse, peering stubbornly up at Yujin from where he rested heavily against his leg. ]
Lay it on me, bro.
no subject
If it were another conversation. If Jake were someone else. The moment of self-awareness, it seems, has come for them both.
Instead, Yujin relents.] In all this time, I've never once told anyone why I'm here.
...You mustn't tell anyone of this, Jake. Especially not Asogi-kun. Do you swear?
no subject
On my kids, man.
no subject
[The oath is the one he needed to hear: it's one he believes in, immediately.]
I-- I'm afraid I can't tell you the whole story. Not yet. [Much as Yujin trusts the promise, and in Jake's friendship, he simply isn't ready. And outside of the courtroom, this is Kazuma's story to tell, not his.] But it's to do with the death of his father, ten years ago.
[He lets the weight of that statement hang for a moment. Now more than ever, with so many memories fresh in his mind all over again, Genshin's fate rests heavily on his heart.]
The circumstances of Genshin Asogi's death were... orchestrated. Widely so. Colleagues I respected and trusted, even those I considered friends-- so many were complicit, if not outright responsible. It wasn't until just before I arrived on the Ximilia that the truth of how he was wronged came fully to light.
[The hand on Jake's head has stilled. There's a distant look in his eyes as he stares straight ahead, lost in those bitter memories all over again.]
If, before he was killed... I had only trusted my own judgment, instead of those false "friends"...
[He trails off.]
no subject
If it weren't for the fact that his dear friend was at the center of the entire thing, recounting each detail with obvious pain stretched across his face, the story might've even been riveting. The kind of story that belonged splashed across the pages of a pulpy mystery novel.
Jake closes his eyes, letting out a deep sigh as he settles heavily against Yujin's leg. ]
When you've got as big a heart as you've got, Yujin... it's easy to forget that not everybody does. [ Hollow comfort, maybe, but the truth. Sometimes that was all one could offer in the face of something so objectively horrible. ] But, believe it or not, it's one of the things I like best about ya.
no subject
That dark thought's silenced quickly enough. There's some deep and very human part of his brain that's soothed by the sound of a dog's small huff of breath at his side. He glances down to his friend on his knee, and replies with a hesitant smile:]
I'd believe that.
[But, onto the more pressing concern:]
But... what about Emerton? He knows th--
[Wait. He hasn't told Jake about his letter yet. Yujin tenses, suddenly, and he breaths out a swear under his breath.] Damn. Jake-- I told him. W-well, I insinuated to him, really, but...
no subject
What'd you do, boo?
no subject
I wrote him a letter to say goodbye. Innocuous enough, but I also gave him the means to find a message hidden within. Nothing but the word 'Ximilia'.
I believed he had the right to the truth. There was no way he could decode it until after we'd gone, yet... now, telling me what you knew... I'm not even sure I was right to do that.
no subject
Okay, yeah, well, okay. [ He finally heaves out on the back end of a breath, rubbing the side of his face with a pause. The very real possibility that they were all here now because of Yujin's slip... well, it didn't not cross Jake's mind. Of course, whether Yujin realizes it or not, Jake's grimace has far more to do with concern for Yujin than concern for the rest of the crew. ] Look, buddy... Nobody needs to know about that. I'm serious. We're allowed to have a few secrets on this tub.
[ And because Jake wasn't sure what he'd do if the crew turned against his friend. Well, aside from the fact that it wouldn't be pretty. ]
I'm no snitch, dude.
no subject
Yujin turns to his friend, searching Jake's expression for he knows not what. Reassurance, condemnation, anything. Nothing is there, but what he does get are those words of reassurance.]
I... think you may be right. [he answers, hesitant. It doesn't feel good, going back to keeping secrets. It is, however, better to hold the truth of what had happened with somebody else.] It was always meant to be a secret, anyhow. [Maybe more romantic than potentially damning, but still a secret.]
Thank you for telling me. And for listening to me, too.
ties a π on these boys
[ He makes a little doggy fist, bumping it against Yujin's fingers, for all the other man's were clenched merely from stress and lingering tension. It would have to do. It was on Jake for making friends with a dude from ancient times, after all. ]
I always got your back.